After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
