her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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