they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize