My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My pussy is not your playground.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
