when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come share oat with me in your robe
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
