New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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