I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
