he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
