just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
