i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
