There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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