There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
