Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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