Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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