He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
