I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
