Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
