YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
