that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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