New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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