Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize