Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
