I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize