you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
