Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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