is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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