the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
