i would punch a child for taco bell
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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