i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
