Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
