You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
