just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
