I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
