I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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