i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
