remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the raccoons are back...
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