we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
