Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
