it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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