I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
