Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
