the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
