He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
