you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
