and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
