Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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