Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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