Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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