I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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