I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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