I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
