Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
