Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
