Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
