After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
