HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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