one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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