i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
