my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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