i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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