i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
