dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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