I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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