U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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