As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
