someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
