you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you had me at cake vodka
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
