I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
