im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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