Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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