Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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